Thursday, March 29, 2012


So I have just received an email from one of the co-hosts of the A-Z Challenge, reminding me it starts on Sunday. Which I can't believe. Really, already?

As the title allude to I'm completely unprepared and that's not good.

I have had two kinds of thoughts about the challenge.
One is that I do it in the spur of the moment. Try do be authentic,  despite the possible stress.
Two is that I'll do a little of both, so I know there are days where I don't have to stress about it or that I one day, where the post is already written, I maybe feel inspired to write tomorrows post.

It never occurred to me, to write them all before the challenge. Because if I did that, it wouldn't be a challenge for me. I'm doing this because I want to see if I have what it takes to become a writer. Or at least give me hope that I can write and concentrate about it a long time, and not just once a week.

When thinking about, I'm not a 100% unprepared. I have written a very few post. Just not those that are really crucial for me to get through it. Because I have that study trip coming up, where I will be away for 4 days.

To be totally honest, I'm afraid that I'm not going to complete it, even though I really want to.
I wanna prove to myself that I for once in my life can finish something and not just start it.
I would hate to one day think back and remembering that I never in my life finished something.

By the way, heres a picture off a special mushroom. When I saw it, I thought it was very cute, when I look at now I found a deeper meaning. It kinda reminds of me; a little cute, but also different from others.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Wishing it wasn't so hard

Job applications

I really dislike doing them. You take a risk - putting yourself out there. I feel vulnerable. That and I don't know what to write. Do you write the classic " I smile easily" or something original"?

I've only been to one proper job interview before and it went horrible. 
I wasn't a particularly bad experience, I just sucked in that moment, at remembering my good qualifications that could be useful in a working situation.

From there you can easily guess, that I didn't get the job.

But I have dreams, and sometimes dreams cost money. It also turns out that food costs quit a lot of money, that my family don't really have. I just can't make myself eat meat again. It doesn't feel natural to me anymore.

And for these reasons I really need a job and I must not forget all of my dreams. Unfortunately dreams cost money.

Dreams are what you should live for.

I just wish I didn't have to write these job applications..

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Poem Tuesdays; Twice closed

I'm still very hooked on Emily Dickinson and this poem have become my favorite by her.
I really feel like I can relate to the poem.

My life closed twice before its close-
It yet remains the see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me

So huge, so hopeless to conceive
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell

Friday, March 16, 2012

Don't know

Have you ever felt, that you doubted yourself?

Lately I have. I'm beginning to think that I'm taking the wrong education. That it's not my match. There is so many homework to read and papers to be written . I'm just not that person. I can't get myself together and use 5-7 hours of my life, just because I have a paper due. I have better things to to, more fun things. Things that I might care more about, than just schoolwork. Sure I like to go there and learn new stuff. I love learning new technical terms and being able not only to understand them, but use them in a sentence. It makes me feel intelligent. I mean who doesn't like to feel intelligent?

If I was rich, I could do anything I wanted. Instead of doing things, because I have to. I HAVE to take an education, that will be able to give me an income in the future.

Why can't I be the main character, from the movie "About a Boy"? He was rich and happy. Didn't need to do a thing. The downside of his life, is that he hadn't any friends at all.

If I had to choose between money and friends, friends would always be my choice. Because I know from past experience that without them, I would feel like shit.

That is why i probably will continue with this education, because how would I be able to keep contact with my current friends?

I don't know. Sometimes you simply just don't know.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Poem Tuesdays; Unknown

Another week has gone by, and it time for Poem Tuesdays, all though today it's a quote from an unknown person. I just really like what this quote says, because I believe in it, sometimes I live with it.

We all carry these things inside
that no one else can see.
They hols us down like anchors,
They drown us at sea.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Lazy, lazy me..

I have been so lazy lately! I felt so busy and not in "the writing mood", so instead of writing this post, I just did the "Poem Tuesdays" as usual, but however...

So the thing is, for about a week ago I got this award called "Versatile Blogger Award". I got it by Sherry Ellis, and I just want to say thank you :)

So I'm happy about this award, but I kinda have a little problem of small significance. The problem is, that I don't read that many blogs. So even though I am suppose to nominate 15 other bloggers, I will only be able to nominate four. Maybe later.

The nominees are..
(Can we have a drum roll, please?)

Emerald City
The Confessions &Thoughts of A Teenage Dreamer
Just a Nice Girl

Remember to check the nominees out, I wouldn't have chosen them, if I didn't think they are worth spending some reading time on!

The 7 Randoms things about myself
  1. I have a habit of biting in my fingers, not my nails like normal people.
  2. I like making people laugh.
  3. Sometimes I psychoanalysis my teachers, friends and their parents in my head. Simply because I find it interesting.
  4. I don't like soy milk.
  5. I have a big brother.
  6. My reason for going to the gym, is so it won't be so hard for me, to run after the train in the morning when I'm late. At least that's what I tell people.
  7. I want to volunteer in Zimbabwe, mostly because Zimbabwe is such a fine name for a country.

So if you have received this award and are reading this, here are some guidelines for what you are going to do with it:
  • Nominate 15 fellow bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award.
  • In the same post, add the Versatile Blogger Award.
  • In the same post, thank the blogger who nominated you in a post with a link back to their blog.
  • In the same post, share 7 completely random pieces of information about yourself.
  • In the same post, include this set of rules.
  • Inform each nominated blogger of their nomination by posting a comment on each of their blogs
I hope your are happy to receive this award, just as I am.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Poem Tuesdays; Crank

This is an excerpt from the book "Crank".

No more paper,
nothing left to clean,
thanked god for the
Jerry springer marathon
six great hours, filled
with pitiful people,
whose lives were way
worse than my own
Hard to believe
the world is such
A screwed-up place

I don't know how you read this poem, but I interpret it as disappearing into something and realising that you don't need to. If you read the book, you will notice that in that context this is not the case, at least from my point of view.
How do you interpret it?

Bye the way, if you are a reader of this book and want to find it, I can tell you it's after she met the monster.