Thinker - Reflecting on my travels - PART 1

Tiergarden, in Berlin.

My mini Europe trip to Berlin and Paris, has both been a learning, healing and magic experience for me. In my last post I was in Berlin and my stay there was coming to an end. How I spent my last days in Berlin where different from day to day - I spent one day reading about the victims of the Berlin wall, another in the Pergamon Museum looking at archaeological treasures and the last in Tiergarden walking around in beautiful green surroundings thinking about my life, friends and death. Why death you might ask? A family member died for about a year ago and one of my closest friend's father just passed away. These two people have something in common besides that fact that they are no longer here, they died way too early and young, both taken by a desease we've all in some way been touched by - Cancer. It was the death of these two was on my mind that day , but also the death of a new friendship. How it feels to no longer to be friends and the confusen that follows. It's not the first time I lose a friend(when I say lose, I don't mean to death), but it doesn't mean I can't feel it, like I felt it years ago when it happened the first time, except dealing with it now is easier then it was back then. Berlin and Paris was both healing places for me, because it gave me the time to think thoughts,

I would not have had the time to think and a quiet peaceful place to do so.

I made this post into two parts, one for this and the other for Paris - so come back to read more!



Tiergarden.

(sorry for the wierd way the pictures are placed, but Blogger just won't collaborate with me when it comes to pictures!)


Some of the old Berlin Wall.

Pergamon Museum

Roman architecture (Pergamon Museum)



N - Not a family person

When I talk to my friends about their views on family, the often seem more lovable and willing to spend time with their loved ones. When it comes to my view on family I'm the exact opposite of my friends. If my family took a trip for a year or so, I'd probably be happy to be left alone.

I just don't have that feeling that family is impotent. My family has always been traditional, we know each other because we are related. There has never (for me) been that feeling that we are sitting around that table because we want to.

My family is not worm and people don't know each other, even though the sited at that same table over 30 years! I've only sat there for 18 years and I would have no problem cutting them out of my life because it's not people I know or I can even have a conversation with! That say A LOT about my family.

I have this dream that we as a family would know each other, but I know it's never going to happen.

So how do you feel about family? Hopefully not the same way I do..

Edit: I might have given the wrong impression, when I wrote family I meant others family members then my parents.

L - Life

Life is such a big thing, it i also a broad subject. Because life is so much, it has different meninges and the term it self is used in so many ways. Both in positive and negative, such as "Get a life!" and "I feel like I am truly alive". The thought of the word life in my mind, often leads to the stream of thoughts/questions "what do I want out of life?" , "do I live my life to the fullest?"  and "am I really happy or is it all just superficial nonsense?".

I dare to say that I am probably not the only person on earth to have these thoughts.  
I see these thoughts as self discovery and a way to make life goals for my self. Sometimes when I am sitting in class, spacing out, I suddenly think of all of those things I want out of life ,and what I want to do before I am no more. It's often about traveling, seeing Paris, not just as a tourist, but as a well known visitor, because I am a lover of the art. My latest new found life goal is to be a part of the "pantsless subway ride" in New York, that occurs every year in January. Think of how cool would it be, to step over that boundary you may or may not have,  and make way for a new unique experience you hopefully will look back on, all of your life with a smile on your face?  Why not try to do these crazy things?

Off course there can be a lot of arguments of reason against it, but if you make it simple and think to your self "wouldn't it just be fun?"
For me the answer will always be yes!

And with that I will leave you , hopefully given you a little weird something to think about.
(or maybe not)

Get lost

I want to write, I want to be gone, somewhere else. I don't want to die, I never wanted that. I wish to live, I always will. But i want disappear completely and become mindless. Lose my head in another persons life, because of some reason my life isn't good enough, even though I have all I could wish for.  Sometimes it's just not enough. Of course there are some material things I want, but they aren't necessary for a good life.

It's weird that, when I'm done with the days deed, school, grocery, cooking and my homework, all I want to do is become someone else or at least get lost in a story/movie.

I wonder if anyone else have ever felt this way. Always the thought, am I the only one to think this? Am I truly alone?

For me it is just two of they many questions and thoughts I have.

But what I think most of, is the life I want to live. All the dreams I have. So many that I can't even remember them all. When the day comes and my dreams come true, maybe I don't want to escape my own life any more or get lost in another's. Or some fiction.  Because my life will be good enough.

I hope so. I dream of that.