Friday, May 18, 2012

Light my cigarette?

This is a kind of Flashback Friday, a thing from Lost and Found that I thought would be fun to try.
Short recap: it is about writing a memory from the past, on Fridays.

I have been a casual/social smoker for about 2½ years on/off. Know, that I decided to quit, and I'm finding it harder, then I thought it would be. It would be easier if I wasn't clubbing every weekend; a smoker in all corners of the night club or outside, a cigarette offered. I feel like I can't say no. I don't want to, but I have to. The thing that holds me back and make me say no every time is the thought of maybe one day, it's not a choice to smoke, it's an addiction.

Sometimes I wish, I never had smoked that first horrible tasting cigarette, but then I think of all the funny memories I have with a cigarette in my hand, laughing with my friends or a kind stranger.

This makes me think back to a party I attended in 2010. I wanted to smoke so I went outside. I ended up in a shed, with a two people.
One was my girl friend and another was a guy, I went to school with. We lighted some cigarettes and had a very deep conversation. It was a conversation with a person I knew and a person I didn't knew. That night, in that shed, we where all friends and confidants. The guy talked about him feeling, that he wasn't himself when in school, in front of his friends and we where amazed, because this guy that sat in front of us - smoking like he swore he would never do - was a totally different person, apart from the person we knew from school.

Maybe it was the alcohol, the cigarette or the atmosphere of it all; he was never himself, besides that night.

That is my Flashback Friday memory.

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