Wishing it wasn't so hard

Job applications

I really dislike doing them. You take a risk - putting yourself out there. I feel vulnerable. That and I don't know what to write. Do you write the classic " I smile easily" or something original"?

I've only been to one proper job interview before and it went horrible. 

I wasn't a particularly bad experience, I just sucked in that moment, at remembering my good qualifications that could be useful in a working situation.

From there you can easily guess, that I didn't get the job.

But I have dreams, and sometimes dreams cost money. It also turns out that food costs quit a lot of money, that my family don't really have. I just can't make myself eat meat again. It doesn't feel natural to me anymore.

And for these reasons I really need a job and I must not forget all of my dreams. Unfortunately dreams cost money.

Dreams are what you should live for.

I just wish I didn't have to write these job applications..

Poem Tuesdays; Twice closed

I'm still very hooked on Emily Dickinson and this poem have become my favorite by her.
I really feel like I can relate to the poem.

XVI
My life closed twice before its close-
It yet remains the see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me

So huge, so hopeless to conceive
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell

Don't know

Have you ever felt, that you doubted yourself?

Lately I have. I'm beginning to think that I'm taking the wrong education. That it's not my match. There is so many homework to read and papers to be written . I'm just not that person. I can't get myself together and use 5-7 hours of my life, just because I have a paper due. I have better things to to, more fun things. Things that I might care more about, than just schoolwork. Sure I like to go there and learn new stuff. I love learning new technical terms and being able not only to understand them, but use them in a sentence. It makes me feel intelligent. I mean who doesn't like to feel intelligent?

If I was rich, I could do anything I wanted. Instead of doing things, because I have to. I HAVE to take an education, that will be able to give me an income in the future.

Why can't I be the main character, from the movie "About a Boy"? He was rich and happy. Didn't need to do a thing. The downside of his life, is that he hadn't any friends at all.

If I had to choose between money and friends, friends would always be my choice. Because I know from past experience that without them, I would feel like shit.

That is why i probably will continue with this education, because how would I be able to keep contact with my current friends?

I don't know. Sometimes you simply just don't know.